end of me

i need something..
i searching for something that can save me from doing something that i don't what to do..
but i cant helped myself not to do it..
its frustrating when u want to do something bad to urself..
but u couldn't do it...
its not because of me...
its because something else...something has stop me...

i know that i want to do that kinds of things so badly...not in a good mood...
i totally in stressful situation when i need to do something to myself...
somethings thats hurt..somethings red..somethings that can burns all of my skin..
i hate myself but i need those things..
that stupid things is my therapy..
my medicine for my sickness...
my food for my stomach...
its has become an organ for my body...

just by doing it..i can release all my problems...
NO!! its not true...
just by doing it..it makes me more calm n more relax...
just relax...i will once smile again.(i hope so)